I didn't even know it was her birthday. You’ve made it to dirty old man territory. I was born to be a pessimist. Other ways you might want to use them include as part of the birthday invitation wording, or you could print and frame a one-liner and use it as a part of the 40th birthday party decor. See more ideas about bones funny, jokes, just for laughs. tweet As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. Keep the mood light, and make sure the honoree knows that all the jokes are just a way of showing how much he or she means to you. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two” – Norman Wisdom, “Birthdays are good for you. It's like, "See if you can blow this out." Whether you're looking for 80 year old birthday quotes or turning 90 years old poems, you'll find plenty of food for thought in our collection of You Know You're Old when ... Humorous Old-Age Jokes. Can you let me know if you’re going to be blowing your candles out? Happy Birthday! When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along. Enjoy. Happy birthday. I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you. Funny Dark Skin Jokes. Do you know a funny one liner? My girlfriend isn't talking to me. to. When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body. KAPPIT . Oh lordy, someone’s 40! SAVE TO FOLDER. "I invested that nickel in an apple. You know you're getting older when it takes you longer to get over having a good time than it took to have it! Happy Birthday, old man. A wonderful source of jokes about getting old: the late Joan Rivers. Turning 80 means your favorite romantic song is probably now a laxative commercial. Birthdays suck when you’re old, but at least you don’t have too many more to go. You’re still going to do stupid stuff, just a lot slower. Happy Birthday oldie, I wish I could figure out how old you are but I hate long math. Many of these jokes are short enough for a card message or to include in a 40th birthday speech. After a moment the doctor said, "I … “You used to nibble on my ear.” “Let me get my teeth.” Great old people jokes Messages for a 5 decade old, one liners Happy Birthday! Laughing can make you live longer. But look on the bright side – not many left now! 82.70 % / … Take some of the 40th birthday jitters away with some of these birthday one-liners. I hope you have a fun and exhilarating party… quickly follow by a long nap. Relax, old man. Happy 40th, try not to dye your hair, gain/lose weight, or cheat on your spouse. In your case.. not so much. 40 is the official age that you’ve basically become old, which means that it is the pinnacle for birthday jokes! Q: What's the easiest way to remember your wife's birthday… A lot of these jokes are short enough for a card message or to include in a 50th birthday speech. www.photo-party-favors.com - Photo Party Favors - PLUS a whole lot more! Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday you old codger! The selection below is filled with the perfect wording ideas for your birthday wishes to the more mature fella you know. Happy Birthday, old man. Funny 18th Birthday Jokes. 40th Birthday Jokes . The older you get, the higher your underwear – get like rings on a tree; you're 80-90 years old – your breasts are inside them. Getting old doesn’t have to be sad. Remember when 50 seemed old? Birthdays are really joyful and funny occasions. They say that age is all in the mind. I was going to give you some advice – “you have to appreciate the little things”. KAPPIT . See TOP 10 age one liners. The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. It’s the large print version of an iTouch. It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. In fact it may even sound a bit cruel. Happy Birthday you old fart. I'm only 20 (+50) Years old! Hope you have an exciting birthday celebration… followed by a nice, long nap. You’re not getting older you’re just a little closer to death, Age is just a number… although in you’re case it’s a pretty big number! The largest collection of birthday one-line jokes in the world. Math Birthday Jokes, Good Birthday Jokes, 0%. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents." Birthday wishes for – how should we say it – the older gentleman are quite often designed to ridicule and mock. Or just tell stories about her and the jokes. Happy Birthday you old geezer, Happy Birthday! Especially when it’s guys! 40th Birthday Jokes. Don't forget to share on Pinterest, Facebook or Twitter! Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. Hope your birthday doesn’t stink. Unless you want to be young again, then I’m afraid you missed that train old pal! Read up on our old age jokes and “getting old” jokes to live forever. Happy Birthday, old fart! For the first three days on the way to work he sees a woman hitting her son with a log of bread. Just to be on the humorous side of things, think of your friend’s personality, and you can always find funniest jokes or hilarious one liners for your greetings. Becoming 40 does not have to mean it’s time for a mid-life crisis. I'm not sure how. I was going to make a joke to mark your birthday but the fact you’re still alive is nothing short of a miracle and should be celebrated! The trick is to keep it from creeping down to the rest of your … Don’t worry about getting older. KAPPIT . 50th birthday quotes for people who have reached the half-century mark. Happy Birthday Old Man! If you believe in it, you can be anything! I was down to my last nickel." She said I ruined her birthday. Another Good Laugh 40 It’s all a big joke until it happens to you. Dear google. I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said, "You know, one would have been enough.". Happy Birthday! All sorted from the best by our visitors. I’ve kept the receipt for the gift, y’know, just in case you didn’t make it. Today is your special day, so leave behind every worry and make it more wonderful than the universe and brighter than the sun. I was sure I would get the right amount of candles to put on your cake this year, but quickly ran out of space! (1875 – 1997) French, 120 year old woman Age Future Time On the sort of future a 120-yr-old expects Old age is when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. Turning one year older used to be awesome. But I remembered that at your age spotting little things is easier said than done! Some Really Funny Jokes About Ageing ~ Old People Jokes - I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. The new and improved 40 year old- yeah right! Funny and humorous jokes and sayings about turning 50. The largest collection of age one-line jokes in the world. The depth of the Great Depression. Happy Birthday, old fart! You’ve reached the age where you wake up at the same time you used to go to sleep on a Saturday. SAVE TO FOLDER. A Prolific Source for 50th Birthday Jokes: The Late Joan Rivers. I got an iPad for my 80 birthday. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake” –, “You’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it” – Felix Severn, “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. As is our tradition, all the men of the village gathered to drink vodka first and then looked for the goat. So, stick with a few well-placed zingers instead of lobbing one-liners at the birthday boy or girl all day long. Crude? But when it’s between friends we often make fun of and give each other a hard time over getting older. Happy Birthday you old fart! Another year and you’re one step closer to diapers being mandatory! Its nice to be young, healthy and full of energy.. do you remember what that feels like? So the man moved closer. His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. 80th Birthday Jokes: More One Liners. “You used to put your arm around me.” So the man put his arm around her. Other ways to use them include as part of the birthday invitation wording, or print and frame one of the one-liners and use as a part of the party decor. Funny? Definitely! All sorted from the best by our visitors. Be warned though: it won’t be too long until you’re on the receiving end of one of these messages yourself! Warm regards to your knees, Just another year and another wrinkle on the ol’ nutsack. A man moves to a new house. Happy birthday to the father with the most loving heart in the universe. SAVE TO FOLDER. Sincerely Me. One day an 75 year old man arrived for his monthly check up and smiled when the doctor asked about his health. Jul 11, 2017 - Explore Alice Adler's board "70th Birthday Funny Quotes" on Pinterest. Thank you for helping me with my homework. It’s also the age of the whopping “mid-life crisis” – this makes for an even better joke. Happy birthday to an old fossil. The old man smiled and began:"One day, a long time ago, my goat got lost in the mountains. It is my wish that life takes you on a wonderful journey filled with prosperous and happy moments. Save some of the air from your oxygen tank to blow out the candles. TRENDING 70th Birthday Jokes. You know that saying ‘with age comes wisdom’? When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police. That sort of banter can seem harsh but is meant with affection. We hope you liked these birthday wishes for old men and that they’ve helped you to have a bit of a laugh with a friend of yours. Happy Birthday. Unless you’re a banana” – Betty White. Maybe. If one laughs about old age, haven't they already won half the battle? It’s my birthday today, so here are some birthday jokes to mark the occasion. With old age comes new skills: you can laugh, cough, sneeze and piss yourself all at once! ... A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. He asks what is going on. You new theme song is "I've Got Boobs In Low Places." I'm not 70, I'm 69.96 Plus tax! So if you’re looking for some funny birthday messages for an older man, maybe even your husband then you’re in the right place. The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. KAPPIT . Today marks another day closer to your balls touching the water when you go to the toilet. Here are amusing perks for the over 60s. Joking about their age, bodily functions, even sex lives are all common. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party. A: A birthday pheasant! I know birthdays get worse as you get older. Funny 40th Birthday Sayings – Turning 40 Jokes, Funny 40th Birthday Jokes to Pull Your Friend’s Leg . See more ideas about 70th birthday, birthday, funny quotes.